if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
