There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He shit in the fireplace
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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