Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
