Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
