A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize