so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
