Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
