Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
