I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
