3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
