I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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