She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
