she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
