M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
