Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
