she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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