Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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