"it" just moved
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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