My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
