i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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