I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dignity is for republicans.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
