Can Purell be used as lube?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
