office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
