Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
