Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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