I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
