Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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