So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
