my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
