if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
