are you still at the devil's house?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
