i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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