Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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