Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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