i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
