I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can text with my tongue
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
