her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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