hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
