Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
