ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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