Just cropdusted the office
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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