haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
