She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize