How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
