I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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