marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
