What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
