Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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