11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize