I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
