im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize