Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
