tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
