porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
