She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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