I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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