Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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