Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
