I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
