I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
