You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
