Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you will always have a special place in my vag
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
