I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize