talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
