life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize