Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
