Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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