question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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