she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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