Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
