i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
