and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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