totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Please don't give away my fajitas
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
