Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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