My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
